Notes on real "I"

 

In order for man to become a man or a woman to become a woman, many parts must be blended together.

This isn’t just a matter of the centers cooperating, of developing a real “I.” Of course that is essential; yet what is a real “I?”

“I” is composed of many different substances and materials, a vast range of impressions and associations which have fallen onto the surface of the planet during the course of a lifetime. One isn’t just an “adult,” one also contains within oneself the child, the adolescent, the young adult, and so on. One even has a dog and a cat in oneself; and other creatures as well, for example, a snake. Everyone has a snake in them, and the way in which they deal with their snake is critical to the nature of their being.

In order for a real “I” to even exist in the first place, all of these different elements —which are indelibly engraved in the stone of one’s essence and being — need to be integrated. They all have to exist together. Anyone who doubts the nature of this function or how it manifests in a developed human being can read about it by discerning Gurdjieff’s character in, for example, The Women of the Rope, or some of the way that he presents himself and says things in the book of meetings from 1944 — which is, to date, only available in French. 

Gurdjieff gives many clues about this particular situation, but it is up to the intelligent man or woman to digest them and compare the situation to their own inner state. Much of this question of repairing the past and preparing the future has to do with the integration of all these different parts. One still, for example, has a child in oneself; and one must learn to satisfy the child as much as the adult, because if the child isn’t satisfied, the child will throw tantrums. Many people are like this; and everyone’s child occasionally throws a tantrum, even if you were Gurdjieff himself. He threw tantrums and swore; unapologetically, as it happens, even enthusiastically.

It’s unavoidable. This is in the nature of children; so one has to be discerning, one has to use one’s mind, one has to learn to discriminate. How to satisfy the child? Each child, as with all children, is different and has specific needs. Some children are even “special needs” children. One has to know what kind of child one has (there is more than one child in us) and make sure that the child is given the lollipop when necessary, and so on. It’s the same with the teenager: he or she has to be allowed to behave the way a teenager behaves once in a while. Otherwise the teenager will rebel, and we all know what rebellious teenagers are like. 

In equal measure, the man has to be allowed, on occasion, to be a man, even though it may be politically incorrect; and the woman must be allowed to be a woman, even though that may damnably frustrate the men.

Perhaps you can see from this how complex and social the inner life of a human being is. There are only two ways to organize this society: consciously or unconsciously. The unconscious organization of one’s inner society, one’s inner family, is chaotic and you never know who's going to be in charge. 

In the conscious organization of the inner family there is both a nurturing and loving mother and a paterfamilias, a father who oversees everything. The tradition of the holy family is actually a story about this inner organization and about how something very new and much higher can come into it if it is well coordinated and everything — the animals, the wise men, the Angels, the shepherds — all come together in one place to honor a higher principle, the birth of something new.

Much more could be said about this, but I think what I've remarked on here is quite enough for now. 

Any thinking individual with a sensitivity to themselves and their inner life will be able to go from here into valuable territory.

May you be well within today.

Lee

Lee van Laer is a Senior Editor at Parabola Magazine.