Memory and being, part II

Gurdjieff used to say, use the present to repair the past and prepare the future.

It might be better said as follows: use the present to repair the past in me, and prepare the future in me.

In light of the previous post, which was written in July (along with this one, which was not published as the last one was), we can easily see that the past exists in me. That is to say, my memory is the repository of the past I must repair; and all of the molecular relationships, the magnetic attractions between various events, my feelings, thoughts, and physical experience of them, is what the past consists of. 

The past, in other words, is a very complex pattern of molecular relationships, energetic relationships, that is alive with in me now. All of these relationships have formed for purpose; and that purpose is to support Being within the present moment.

To the extent that these relationships do support being within the present moment, they are intact, unimpaired; they do not need repair. Yet this usually isn’t the case. A lot of what is in me doesn’t support my being: instead, in one way or another, it undermines it, because my relationship to my past is chaotic, disorganized, unexamined, misinterpreted, and above all improperly valued. I have a bad attitude towards my past — at least, a lot of it.

If I acquire any Being at all, it is better than none; and to the extent that I do acquire Being, it is the result of this past that lies within me. 

Let’s say I develop a very good relationship to my sensation; it would be an established fact that every event that took place in me during my past, all of the results that bear on the present moment, is a direct contributor to the realization of that possibility. 

So in fact, since I have realized a good possibility, all of the past in me that helped me realize that possibility is also good.

Repairing the past involves repairing this existing past that is within me now, not the actual past. No one goes back in time and fixes stuff that happened. No one, equally, goes forward into the future or does anything right now that will project itself into the future for better physical and outward result. In both cases, the moment of now is used to prepare myself inwardly. 

I repair the past inwardly; I find a path towards a better attitude towards it, a better evaluation of it. I see how it helped me. Even if it was extremely bad, I see how it helped me. In equal measure, I use now to prepare myself for a better inner attitude in the future. The outside will be what it is. Maybe half the people around me will die from viruses. I don’t know. But the point is that I can lay a foundation right now so that my attitude in the next moment is a better attitude than the one I have now.

Of course, it’s possible that the future I envision for myself involves having a bad attitude; I don’t know. That depends on what your aim is. It is an unfortunate truth that you might decide to have bad aims. I can’t stop you. The point is that no matter what my aim is, if I want to prepare for the future I need to do it now. I can’t do it later. 

Think about the irony: I think I’ll prepare for the future later. The dysfunction is self-evident.

We should spend more time within ourselves pondering the attitude we have towards our past and our future, because we stand balanced forever between the two, both existing only in our imagination. We are forever within the moment of molecular relationship which both remembers the past and anticipates the future, but must of necessity live within the present. Our agency, that which makes us move and do, lives within this balanced moment. All of the agency we will ever have emerges in this instant from this molecular relationship.

Perhaps you see now, from this discussion on memory, why I emphasize in such a determined way that you need to come into relationship with the magnetic sensation of your molecular relationship, which I originally called the organic sense of being when I first mentioned it over 10 years ago. 

Without this sense of yourself, the rest of your work may be spectacular, but it does not have a firm foundation within it. If your feet are not on the ground in this way, everything else you do will result in you eventually slipping and falling on your ass.

That may sound crude and offensive, but these are just plain facts. Trying to rationalize one’s way around them with the mind or argue with them will not change the facts. 

The facts always exist as outside agents; my attitude towards them is what matters. I can either have a good attitude towards facts and accept them, or I can reject them. This practice of rejecting the fact is quite normal for me and for everyone else. 

Repairing the past and preparing the future has something to do with accepting the facts. 

My past is a fact. I can’t live in it and I shouldn’t blame anyone for it. Lots of my parts want to do that, but every one of them is engaging in wrong behavior. 

My future is a possibility; I can wish for it, but I can’t count on it. Only my effort in the present moment can help anything affect the future; and even then, what it always affects — and in a sense the only thing it affects — is my attitude. If I focus on futures that make me rich and wealthy, but I act like a jerk and then miserable, what good will it do me? I can claim success — but I will be a jerk. That’s not a success, because it is not inward success.  If I’m in an inner work, success is always measured inwardly first, and never in relationship to material circumstances and the outer.

Go deep in your heart, and be well-

Lee

Lee van Laer is a Senior Editor at Parabola Magazine.