I begin very directly within sensation

 

This post is related to something I wrote over a year ago.

I begin very directly within my sensation, as though there were nowhere else to begin.

At the beginning, I have to commit 100% to this idea, because when the rest of me is lost, this is my salvation. It is the crack in the gate to heaven— a barrier I erected myself — through which God’s wish for me leaks in.

I can begin here this morning very quietly, within a stillness that cares about life in a new and different way. 

My first and only obligation today is to be here. 

I fulfill my duty through my presence, not my actions. Every duty fulfilled automatically without the participation of my presence is just a sign pointing towards the destination, not the destination itself. The destination is always here in this moment, and the duty is always to that awareness.

I don’t have to lose myself. There is a perverse part of me that has the desire to do that, and this is where everything goes astray. That part is untrained and knows nothing about duty; it only knows about itself and its own selfish desires. Its desires are wandering around everywhere in the imagination, but only very rarely focused on what is taking place now.

My body knows how to focus on what is taking place now and it can help me a great deal if I stay with it. This produces a natural stillness which I can listen to, with ears that do not hear sound and see with eyes that do not see light. These are the organs of attention, which work in darkness to perceive what is true outside the realm of my own desire. To sense, to listen, and to see from within all help to create and maintain a soil in which the seeds of Being grow.

There is love in this place, but it is not my love. It is a privilege I encounter and and energy to be manifested. 

Duty begins here; and every time I forget that, the light of the soul grows dimmer.

with warm regards,

Lee

Lee van Laer is a Senior Editor at Parabola magazine.