To be clearly seen

 Oct. 19

I need to let my resistance become quite clear to my awareness. I need to be within it and to see how it operates and to accept the fact of its operation. I can only do this by inhabiting it, not by denying it or pretending that I have the power to overcome it.

This resistance stands in steadfast opposition to my Being and to the kingdom of heaven itself. It insists on being what it is and it insists on asserting itself. 

If I stay with this very carefully for some time, I can make inner adjustments that accommodate the difficulty. This takes intelligence, foresight, and the will to remain clearly and intensely focused on the resistance itself as it arises. Not to oppose the opposition, but to look at it straight in the eye as it is, for what it is. 

It's important to understand that this is not an act of violence, but an act of suffering what I am quite clearly, without pity for myself. Pity won’t help me; but a real feeling that tastes the difference between the soul and the ego can help. This is how I pay for it.

Most of the time I'm so absolutely identified with these impulses that I don’t deal with them. This of course is one of the meanings of the prayer, “I call to thee from the depths of mine iniquity. I have not delivered myself sufficiently unto thee; I know not how.” 

My iniquity doesn't take place outside of me in my outer actions. This is the reason that the prayer refers to the depths of my iniquity. The iniquity is rooted deep in the soul at the heart of things. It is a parasite that feeds on the soul. It takes the love that is emanated and tries to keep it for me.

This is an action so perverse that it needs much further deep contemplation. 

This is the condition I am in, and there's no use arguing about it. 

It's not a situation I'm capable of striking bargains with or beating in some exchange because of my cleverness.

It needs to be clearly seen.

May you be well within today.

Lee

Lee van Laer is a Senior Editor at Parabola Magazine.