Notes from October 6

  

Some notes from October 6, 2020

On care

Either I care who I am, or I don’t. 

If I don’t care, nothing will ever change.  

I have to find the part in me that cares and do my work from that part. I can’t just learn to listen to that part; I have to learn to live in it. It has to be stronger than the part that doesn’t care. I need to learn a love for it.

I don’t see very clearly how I’m divided into parts that care and don’t care. This is part of the problem, the way I don’t see my lack of unity. If I clearly see what cares and doesn’t care, I much more clearly see that I’m not unified, that what I call my “struggle” — and labeling it is a mistake, because when I do that I think I know what it is, and I don’t —is between parts that care and parts that don’t. This is the essence of the matter. Most of me doesn’t care about being who I am.

Folks who don’t care who they are can do just about anything, no matter how stupid or irresponsible. We see this around us every day. It angers us, but we don’t see we are just like this ourselves.

On sensation

Within sensation is a path to the other parts. I keep thinking that this is a place I go to from where I am; but in reality, it's the place I need to start from. From that place, I should go to the other places. I begin in sensation, not in thinking, not in feeling. This is where home is.

The essence of sensation is that it plans both feet in truth. It doesn’t judge. Everything I want to understand about going away from associations, from distancing myself from the parts that want to make all the decisions by themselves, begins in the sensation.

There are two kinds of sensation. There is the organic sensation of Being, the molecular sensation of the spirit and soul, and then there is the sensation I understand from this side of the river. They're very different. For a long time I used to mistake sensation from this side of the river for something from the other side of the river. 

But today I know they are very, very different, and belong to different levels of Being. I need to respect this, to remember it always.

The organic sensation of Being arrives from a higher level and begins the harmonic overtones of its resonance from a planetary, not earthly, level. It is attuned to the vibrations of the moon and the sun and obeys their laws, which are of the higher laws on this level.

The laws on this level are additive, so 24 of them come from the levels above me. I need to come under those laws.

Ponder that for a while.

May you be well within today.

Lee

Lee van Laer is a Senior Editor at Parabola Magazine.