A voluntary sensation of presence

 The sensation can be as consistent and continuous as my associations. It does not have to be something that comes and goes; it can be a counterweight, an opposing factor, to association. Association is an atmosphere; sensation is a planet. This, of course, is an analogy, but it effectively conveys the difference between the insubstantial nature of association and the solid field of gravity that sensation produces. This is very much like the way in which the gravity of a planet holds the atmosphere around it quite firmly so that it can't escape. It is an organizing factor.

And so what is the role of sensation? It creates the field of energy that receives the material of thought and feeling. Neither one of them can organize well if the planet has not enough gravity.

No matter what happens, I come back to myself. I am living; I am breathing. These are the facts. A great deal takes place in my formatory apparatus, my thinking, but all of it is imaginary. It is the part of the world that reflects itself in me. I need to understand the difference between myself and my thought. We are not the same thing, exactly. I ought to be clear about that. There should be no confusion.

It's 6 AM. The day is just beginning and I am here within it. I have no idea about what this day will bring, despite the fact that many situations which already exist have been formed and are, so to speak, on the table this morning. Nonetheless, there is an overall inexactitude to understanding what will happen next. From a theoretical point of view it is all already formed; so perhaps I can't actually change anything, I can just be present to understand how it is. This understanding of how it is needs to be undertaken first through my sensation, in that field of the energy of presence that receives thought and feeling. It is the medium in which they come together. Understanding sensation in this way, as a medium, becomes quite interesting.

There was recently a discussion about the difference between ordinary sensation and the sensation I speak of here. They aren't the same thing. 

If one has no experience of the active energy of voluntary sensation, one mistakes ordinary sensation for it in every case. Yet it's a completely different faculty, a sixth sense. It has atrophied so much in human beings that engaging with it is unusual at best; even rare. And yet this is the goal, to live within this sense of presence so that I can receive my thoughts and feelings and distinguish between sensation, thought, and feeling quite clearly. Only by developing this capacity well will I begin to understand the subtle mechanisms and presences that each one of them governs.

None of this is about the theory. It's about living and breathing in and out. I can start there, at all times, and just relax within it –with my attention, a gentle yet caring force which emerges from the field of being. This is far more active than my usual attitude towards myself, which is essentially uncaring. I don't take care of myself, I don't care about myself; I care about things that happen and things I own and things I want to get. This universe of external objects and desires for them isn't really related to the process of my life, the fundamental ground-floor of it. Again, I can become more clear about the difference between the two. 

But only if I reside within myself and appreciate the simple fact of this life and the impressions it brings in.

These are my thoughts for this morning.

with warm regards,

Lee

Lee van Laer is a Senior Editor at Parabola magazine.