Notes from June 16

 

Today would have been my mother’s 90th birthday.

Only the body can remember the body. The head just thinks it can remember the body. Only the feelings can remember the feelings. The head just thinks about feelings.

During the day, I need to be more gathered. To stay close to myself. Each of the brains, the centers, needs to first establish its autonomy and independence so that the other two brains are clear about its nature and each one of them functions using its own energy and according to its own form of work. Only then, when the centers are working properly as individuals, can they combine and cooperate to create a fourth awareness.

I am frequently caught in a trap where I think that what I am doing “isn’t enough;” but if I don’t know what enough is, then how do I know what isn’t enough? 

The fact is that I don’t know whether what I am doing is enough or not. 

I just need to be here, doing this.

Equally, I frequently tell myself, when I catch a glimpse of myself, that the way I’m working isn’t good enough. So instead of seeing what I’m doing, I’m criticizing what I’m doing. There is a difference.

The higher part of myself issues a call, but usually it just reaches the answering machine.

Be well today.

Warmly,

Lee

Lee van Laer is a Senior Editor at Parabola Magazine.