Come into relationship with the roots of being and understand them, through a new sensation (which is so new it is no longer what I thought about before.) These roots are living things, not concepts. My life feeds itself from them and I feel this taking place actively within me, in the cells. My conscious being is connected to my cells in a different way, because they are no longer ideas about what life is made of, but Beings that compose my Being.
We are a community together.
Through this, quietly and gently, I come into relationship and understand within stillness and without words that I am here. I understand the words "I am," but they are no longer words and the presence of the action is no longer "I" or "am." Like "sensation," which is now no longer a word or a concept but an event, Being is an event that I participate in directly. It is mysterious and can't be related to or qualified by outer life: it just receives it, objectively.
Through this, quietly and gently, I begin to understand the sacred nature and purpose of my life, which is a gift given by the Lord. I'm here to receive His blessings and His Mercy as active forces; not to receive the things of life, which are necessary but temporary, and ultimately deadening compared to the living force of prayer.
To the extent that I open my heart to this inflow, the living force of prayer becomes more active in me. It can help to cleanse me of "sin," which isn't really wrongdoing but simply just my attachments to all of the material things of the outer world. The more I let go of these things from a physical, practical, and organic point of view — not from a philosophical one — the more the power of this living force can enter me. Ultimately, the only thing that matters in my practice is receiving this force, quietly and gently, over a long period of time. I don't need to do anything with it. I simply need to participate as a receiver. It has its own action and effects inward transformations that my ordinary mind isn't capable of understanding. I shouldn't waste my time trying to figure that out. I should simply participate, objectively, by honestly and honorably standing ready to come into relationship with that force, which is a force of love.
This force, quietly and gently, ought to be present at all times, feeding me in a trickle of life and truth that enters my Being no matter where I am and what I am doing.
I need to study this carefully, with contrition.
Lee van Laer is a Senior Editor at Parabola Magazine.