Blue-Gray Gnatcatcher, Piermont Marsh, New York, April 2015
The gnatcatcher is a small bird that feeds on tiny, seemingly insignificant insects.
Reader: I'm just not interested in socializing last few years. I don't see the point of it most of the time. All I get from that is people complaining, talking about their jobs and news, etc. Even "having fun," joking, chatting, isn't that attractive to me.
This is a fine point of inner work. If I deprive myself of trivial input, that is, input related to very ordinary things, I won't notice it "consciously", but in the long run, parts of myself that need ordinary "filling" with material won't get what they need. People who do inner work often think that they need to live on a steady diet of higher vibrations, intensity, "special" energies and so on, but this is actually the opposite of the truth. It would be like deciding that I was going to restrict my diet to nothing but high-powered vitamins.
So if I deprive myself of the fiber of ordinary relationships, the bulk material which seems quite unimportant, I am actually depriving myself of absolutely necessary things. It will need to illness—sometimes, severe. (Think about Gurdjieff's remark that all pleasure is excrement—it relates to this understanding.)
In any event, I tend to edit my psychological inputs down to the ones I am comfortable with, whereas I ought to do the opposite.
In a nutshell, a great deal of Gurdjieff’s teaching consisted of bringing people to a point where they were exposed to all those psychological impressions they had trained themselves over a lifetime to avoid. Friction is necessary.
I have to keep coming back to this, because it is only in the friction between my preferences and reality that I begin to see how my ego tries to structure everything so that it is comfortable.