Friday, April 24, 2015

The gatekeeper

April 14

One of my readers asked me today, when we struggle with the inner demons in us — in this case, addiction — who is the gatekeeper?

 That's an encapsulation of the question, but it raises an interesting point about who in me has authority.

The only real authority comes from the action of Being and life itself. If one is in touch with life through sensation and the inward flow, life has the authority — and the "I" that deals with it is not so important. One invests and inhabits — one doesn't spend and do.

In this way, one follows the inward and outward rivers with some ease, because they go naturally in the direction that is necessary. If I was truly present to myself, I would understand that this natural direction is possible; but when I live only in my mind, I don't even know that there is a natural direction. I think that the natural direction comes out of the mind, not from Being and from life.

There are astrological conditions, especially solar ones, that govern this and make it far more possible to invest in Being; yet I fear these particular points of work are little known and even less understood. Everything that one works for is, in the end, to come under such influences so that help arrives; yet we always think that help will come from external things such as philosophies, material goods, and so on — not from planetary emanations that are from a much higher level and can actually help our inner state on a more permanent level.

 In the meantime — we are on our own. As my mother always used to say, God helps those who help themselves.

 This idea of a gatekeeper, of one who has authority, reminds me of Gurdjieff's statement that the mind is a policeman. If it is active, it can at least try to remind me when things are going off the rails. The voice may be small, but even one voice is better than none at all.

As far as the question of the addictions goes, and how an inner authority goes against this, one has to first of all understand that addiction is a life or death matter. One can think of this theoretically; one has to know organically that one is engaged in a struggle between what wishes to be real and what wishes to destroy. This has to enter like a lightning bolt, a shock that transforms attitude and creates an absolute conviction that work, real work — not philosophizing and theorizing — is needed to save the day.

There is no artificial substitute for this kind of shock. Most addicts don't seem to get it; and so they go down. One has to first of all care about one's self enough; else, nothing else helps.

The gatekeeper, in other words, has to be a part of one's Being that cares. If I look through myself in a real inner inventory (there's some addiction-recovery language for you!) I see that so many parts of me don't actually care about anything. That gang isn't worth anything. If I let them run the show, forget it.


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