Wednesday, April 22, 2015

A finer vibration

April 12.

A finer vibration is always available to feed me; but if I want it to feed me, I need to come in to a specific and intentional awareness of it.

This isn't so easy; because even when Presence finds me as I am, I am not so willing to be specific about my relationship with it. That requires an intention; and the intention has to be born organically, whereas I usually try to find it with my mind.

This morning, I am sitting at my computer rather quietly, concentrating my attention very gently in the roots of the sensation were finer energy arises and is present. It's very easy in moments like this to see how it is a food of Being; and to take it in this way, quite precisely, is a meal in the same way the food I will eat later this morning at breakfast is a meal.

The breathing is a part of this; and it's important for me to see how the breathing helps facilitate the development and digestion of this finer energy which arises in the vibration between the cells.

...It arises, in point of fact, from somewhere beyond that; yet it doesn't do me much good to think that over. My effort lies simply in this very gentle attending to relationship here. It's in exactly that place that I mention so often in my diaries, where there is an intimacy between the conscious effort, Being, and the organism. This intimacy is accompanied by a willingness to invest organically and directly in the generosity of this Presence, which flows directly from the heart of God into all life.

Although I am a very small thing, I am sustained by this Presence in a way that touches everything that exists, and I am able to sense how this particle of Being is a singular, infinitesimal manifestation of that wholeness. It reminds me of the impression I had several years ago that the entire universe is contained in every grain of sand; or, more recently, blue light falling through a simple and objectively worthless piece of plastic on the sink in my bathroom. It is in these fine details, in the most intimate and seemingly unimportant encounters, that God is present; somehow, I so often sense this more in the small things, instead of the grand gestures, the things that take place around me on great scales.

When I engage in this intimacy, I begin to understand that—in the same way the cells in my digestive system are designed to work in a very precise way on a very tiny scale, absorbing molecules with an intelligence and an insight that sorts things out far better than my coarse consciousness, at this level, could ever do— the awareness of human beings at this level is meant to examine details, to see the fineness of things, to sense and to feel and then, with some effort, to understand how the small things fit together and how every detail of life ought to be rightly appreciated.

This food of a finer energy helps me to do that every day. Of course, I'm not in enough relationship to do justice to all of this; but to be in relationship at all represents a hope, and that hope breathes the life of a further effort into me.


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