Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Stop theorizing

Triceratops Sculpture

 It's okay to theorize. Whole schools were formed around studying theories; and without theory, esoteric practice in general would find itself deeply lacking. So I am in favor of studying theory; and I do it myself.

There is, however, a huge difference between theory and practice; and without a sound understanding of what it is to live within the sensation of one's own Being, one doesn't understand the difference. Theory has a way of inserting itself into everything; it belongs to the outer part, to personality, to ego, and to the mind. There is a possibility of objective theory; but it's relatively rare, because the mind and personality seize everything that comes along.

In working with others, there's a great danger that one ends up firmly wedged into theories. The only way to avoid this, in my experience, is to keep coming back to the ground floor question of what it means to live, right here, right now, within the immediate sensation of this body, before the mind starts to interpret it.

Above all, I shouldn't try to sense. Trying to have sensation is already not having proper sensations; sensation needs to come of itself and be present as its own part of me. For as long as I try to have sensation, no matter what way I do it in — thinking about it, feeling that I lack it, doing exercises to invoke it, feeling it in one limb, and so on — I am conceiving of sensation as separate from me, that is, I don't understand that sensation is me, just as much as thinking and theory is me — just as much as feeling is me. When I say that "I" have sensation, or "I" have feeling, I already set these two things apart as though they were not whole parts of my being with an equal weight and value to this "I" that has them. This is absolute nonsense— and yet look at how convinced I am of this. I try to sense; I feel. When will I wake up—that is, out of this unconscious and mechanical state—and understand that I am feeling and I am sensation?

When consciousness is located in a different part, it's dangerous for me to take it so literally as to understand that it is now located in the chest, for example, or the abdomen. Those experiences are, of course, possible; in fact, consciousness does not even actually need to be located in my body — but that is another subject entirely. The point is that consciousness needs to be relocated so that it resides within sensation, so that it resides within feeling, and so that the full experience of consciousness and life begins to find the center of gravity in these parts other than the mind.

This is the moment when a voluntary sensation or a voluntary feeling participates in such a way that I truly understand what three centered being means; otherwise, I am thinking about what three centered being means, theorizing it, hypothesizing it, and laying out various plans and machinations, various exercises and plots, to achieve it. All of that material comes from one center and is, in a practical sense, quite useless. It is like trying to paint over black paint with more black paint in the hopes that it will eventually become white.

This trying to sense is what stands in the way of sensing. It comes from the wrong part. There has to be a relaxation, a letting go, not just of muscular tension, but of the mind itself and all its excessive effort to control everything.

Then the sensation may have some room to enter; and then Being may have a chance to begin to manifest.

Hosanna.

1 comment:

  1. hmm, 'For as long as I try to have sensation, no matter what way I do it in — thinking about it, feeling that I lack it, doing exercises to invoke it, feeling it in one limb, and so on — I am conceiving of sensation as separate from me'..
    This sounds suspiciously like a g group exercise....count 1234 in the right arm, 2345 in the right leg....and love thy neighbour

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