Saturday, October 25, 2014
Being the person you are
We hear talk today about "becoming the person you want to be."
This is a bit of conceited nonsense, because no one knows who they are in the first place; and no one can ever be the person they want to be if they don't already, first, know who they are now.
So one needs to be, most throughly and fearlessly, the person one is; not the person one wants to be.
From this perspective, already, one sees that one can't even know what person one ought to want to be; because this person who is is filled with all kinds of desires and impulses that don't make any sense in the first place. How can a right desire, a right wanting, come out of this?
No, I can pretty much forget about that. I need to turn my efforts towards being the person I am, no matter how painful or difficult that may be. If there is any such thing as "self observation" from the basic and most psychological (as opposed to inner and spiritually necessary) point of view, it consists of knowing who I am; and that is who I am, not who I wish to be.
I suffer my being as it is; not as I wish it to be.
This is my inner home.
In this way, there is some irony to the Gurdjieff prayer, "I am— I wish to be," since I can't really know what it means. It is the sensation it produces and the questions it raises that become interesting, not the idea that I might wish to be anything.
In other words, I wish first and forever to become a person who has Being—and a person who knows nothing beyond that.
Being is the destination; not some other set of qualities. Being, furthermore, has the exact qualities I already have. If Being does not begin there then no development can take place, because nothing can be built in the absence of a foundation.
I assume, first of all, that I have a foundation; and that is a big assumption. I had better take a good long look at that first.
Then I ought to see if I know anything about masonry.
It is a long, long way to any built walls.