Monday, October 6, 2014

A perpetual question, Part I

I've been discussing, lately, the ground floor of practice with various loved ones, friends, and acquaintances.

Theoretical premises are all very interesting; I have some facility at discussing them, and so do many of the people I live around and work with.

But none of them have any meaning if I do not inhabit the ground floor of my being.

The fundamental point is that one has to come into relationship with a higher energy and understand exactly what that means. One has to come into relationship with an energy that is humbling, that is greater than myself, that teaches without saying anything how to understand how hopelessly small and helpless I am. This is a place from which I can actually begin to see something about life; how essentially tragic position we humans have put ourselves in is, and how all of our prattling on about love conquering everything doesn't apply to the level we are on or the things we actually do to one another.

This isn't a negative philosophy; it is just the realism infused by a genuine sorrow of Being, which is the only real emotional experience I can begin with if I want to understand what life is. This feeling experience has nothing to do with depression; it is simply truthful, and the truth is in its own peculiar way a joyful thing to encounter.

In any event, I ought to wake up seeking a relationship with an inner energy every day. It ought to be the first thing that comes to me as a question when my awareness emerges from sleep, before the eyes are open; it ought to infuse the body and energize the inner question of what it means to be alive and in relationship, before anything else is done. It ought to help me conduct an inner inventory and a search at once, before anything else starts.

That relationship ought to never leave. It ought to remain as the undercurrent, the background emanation, of every object, event, circumstance, and condition I encounter, all day long. This sensation which brings its own question mark ought to be permanent; it should never leave me, it always ought to be in my being so that there is a certain part of me which has a perpetual attention invested in the act of questioning. It ought to follow me through the day and bring me to my bed at night.


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