Monday, July 7, 2014

Deeper yet

This morning I had this distinct impression of how I am always drawn outward; and it seems as though the question of how not to be drawn outward ought to be much simpler. 

The fact is that when I begin to be identified, I don’t even see that I am drawn outward; I can’t at all see outwardness from within outwardness. It can only be seen from within inwardness, which is able to see both qualities. 

This is because while inwardness contains outwardness, outwardness cannot contain inwardness. Outwardness is stripped of individuality and has no personhood; and it is the essential personhood of inwardness that creates Being in the first place. Yet from my outwardness I persist in believing that outwardness can see inwardness, even though I quite definitely know better.

So there I was, sitting- an activity that any heretic with solid credentials will tell you becomes proportionally less necessary in relationship to the organic manifestation of Being- and observing quite carefully how everything in the mind is drawn outward, and how imagination manufactures a non-existent future that perpetually occupies the now. Organic sensation is not just a palliative: it is the polar opposite of this imaginary action, this thinking-of-being, because it is Being, and Being is an inarguable proposition which the mind cannot broker, no matter how hard it tries.

The remedy— to become more inward—is shockingly obvious; yet Gurdjieff himself struggled with it, as he documents in the third series. His words may not be the most helpful guide; in my own experience, de Salzmann’s personal notes on the matter exceed his own by a fairly wide margin.

I think the issue here is that life must not become an exercise. I grow up in inner work wanting tasks, exercises, limited speculations to engage me; and it’s in this investigation of minutiae that I may become bogged down; I may actually prefer to experiment and interpret, instead of living.

So I can’t treat life as a proving ground for future approaches to Being; a wish to Be is a wish to Be now

Unless it acquires the necessary organic impulse, a voluntary nature, there is no Being, because Being is never what I seek, invoke, command or demand; it is only itself, and it joins me in such a way that I am one with it in gratitude, not its master, but — fundamentally — its servant.


1 comment:

  1. I guess a lot of people have become bogged fact the foundation would disintegrate if they took u seriously :) shalom


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.