The fact is that when I begin to be identified, I don’t even see that I am drawn outward; I can’t at all see outwardness from within outwardness. It can only be seen from within inwardness, which is able to see both qualities.
This is because while inwardness contains outwardness, outwardness cannot contain inwardness. Outwardness is stripped of individuality and has no personhood; and it is the essential personhood of inwardness that creates Being in the first place. Yet from my outwardness I persist in believing that outwardness can see inwardness, even though I quite definitely know better.
So I can’t treat life as a proving ground for future approaches to Being; a wish to Be is a wish to Be now.
Unless it acquires the necessary organic impulse, a voluntary nature, there is no Being, because Being is never what I seek, invoke, command or demand; it is only itself, and it joins me in such a way that I am one with it in gratitude, not its master, but — fundamentally — its servant.