Tuesday, June 3, 2014

There is no buyer

If there is a sure place in the soul, I have not found it.

There is a sure place in God; and I know this because God is so often with me.  Yet the sure place is not in me, or in the soul- which in the sense of this life belongs now, to me, although it is only ever borrowed- but only in the soul insofar as She rests in God.

And surely I know there is rest in God, for I have been taught this many times; every day: and there is no rest in me, that is certain.  The soul is more alive than the rest of me, and restless; and she searches night and day to be with God, for She knows better than I do how all Her comforts rest alone in the Lord.

I spend my days in wonder, because I see how little of me lives; and yet the soul which lives with and in and through me peeps out from time to time, awakening. In these moments I see more deeply; and all the other seeing lies in seeing how I do not see.

Who knows this? Only God can reveal it, and He is the Silent One. He shows, but does not speak; I hear without listening, not through the ears do I listen; and not through the eyes do I see, but all things are done and known through the body, which has more than ears to hear or eyes to see in it.

This is the difference between the quick and the dead; that which is of the Lord, which He has claimed as His own, and that which only thinks and hopes of him. Yet it is the thinking and hoping that makes the dead what they are; and only through the quickening grace of the Lord can the dead be raised.

So I am of the Lord, and know it; yet there is no rest in me, for I do not know how to offer enough of myself. I would sink into the Lord and drown myself there; no water could be sweeter, and yet, I am held back.

I don’t know why. If a man or woman wants to sell all that they are, to become that sweetness, but cannot get themselves to the marketplace, well, there is no buyer.

Perhaps... no, surely... I do not understand the nature of my wares, or how I should stop selling, and give them freely.

I shall think more on this, with the parts of me that use no words.

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