Wednesday, June 4, 2014

That finer nature

 So perhaps I have come to what I think is this finer vibration in me.

 It's quite unusual, relative to my ordinary state; and it becomes a regular companion, perhaps even a constant one. The mind and the body know one another; and the mind of the body is always here with me, in sensation, so that we form a partnership. It's quite clear that there is a finer and more precise relationship between the mind and the body in this state; I find it interesting, and I am willing to invest in it.

Yet this finer vibration isn't whole, does not find its fulfillment within Being, unless the feelings enter, and they are a still finer level of vibration that completely suffuses and penetrates the vibration between mind and body.

It is third force.

Now, I have heard about third force before, and of course it has many meanings, but in terms of the three centers, the three minds, it specifically means this reconciling factor that resolves the duality of mind and body by making the sensation deeper and more whole. In this instance, distinctive emotional states arrive, which are separated from any specific event and emerge from themselves, as though whole cloth appeared without any loom to weave it on.

 I'm accustomed to reading my emotional reactions out of associations, so when feeling arrives spontaneously, and fully formed, without a specific subjective attachment — and yes, we mistakenly call our reactions to subjective experiences feelings — I begin to sense, for the first time, through this fine vibration, all the other aspects of reality. It is, for all intents and purposes, the Dharma, or Truth. It preexists; and when we speak of mysteries, perhaps this is one of the greatest ones.

Perhaps some would hesitate to say exactly what this feeling is; and of course, everyone wants the feeling, the higher feeling, that one receives to be called bliss, or joy, or peace. After all, these seem desirable, and if we do inner work, we usually tell ourselves this is what we want. We forget that we should not want anything; that we should stop wanting, and that what we want is our enemy. Only by being completely open to these objective feelings, which are not related to what I want and "need" for myself, as I see it, can I begin to understand what real feeling is.

Real feeling contains all feelings within it, so it is not just bliss, or joy, or peace. If one considers this carefully with the functioning parts of one's intelligence (not the mechanical ones) of course one realizes at once that it would be impossible to have feeling that did not contain everything, even though feeling will tend to be dominated by one or another part of its own form. Yet the real and deepest part of feeling is formed through sorrow, and Gurdjieff made this clear enough. One may think it is a privilege or grace to experience joy or bliss; but there is so much more grace and bliss and joy in the experience of God's sorrow that to taste it even once makes one long for it far more than any joy. And this is not because we should like sorrow more than joy, or be masochists or depressives; it is because the sorrow contains the truth of all and everything, far more so than any other single aspect of feeling.

Contemplate Christ on the cross, if you want to understand this a bit better.

 When Gurdjieff spoke of the sorrow of His Endlessness, he did not mention it as the nectar that flows from heaven; but there is no honey sweeter than this feeling-vibration, and the whole sense and aim of existence is to come into relationship with the fineness of this level of vibration, to take it into ourselves, so that we can understand it much more deeply.

There is no surer way to put the ego in its right place, and know what real love is.

Hosannah.

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