Saturday, January 4, 2014
Sensing and feeling, part III- Trust
The word trust is originally derived from an old Norse word meaning strength — so we trust in strength, we trust in that which has power and durability. Immediately, the Real can be seen as having power and durability — it is the manifestation of the Lord, which is so much higher than anything we know that we immediately recognize its authority and submit to it. So to trust is to submit to a higher authority – one of the cardinal principles of Alcoholics Anonymous, in which humility is the linchpin of sobriety.
When we are drunk on life, we don't sense and feel. Our senses are blunted; our feelings are stunted. Hence Gurdjieff's famous comment, Blödsinn, Blödsinn, du mien Vergnügen, Stumfsinn, Stumfsinn, du meine Lust. So we are like drunkards, addicts; we stumble around within the results of ego, and discover nothing to trust, either inwardly or outwardly. Only by deepening the inward contact with a higher source of good, the physical manifestation of the energy that can inwardly form a correspondence to the Lord, can we grow and can we discover ourselves. This is, indeed, a form of self renunciation; because we renounce our own self in favor of a higher power. We acknowledge authority. And for as long as we are completely invested in our own authority, no good can come of it.
So the path to the surrender of our own authority lies, paradoxically, within a love of Self: but it is a love of the true Self, the self that has the ability to come into more direct contact with the Lord, that we need to come into loving relationship with. And we don't know much at all about that Self, because the vibration that it can produce internally is rarely, if ever, alive.
I find that it helps to get up very early in the morning and walk in the darkness, where one must be alone with one's Being and the consequences of one's existence. One sees, I find, that no matter how well educated and consistent and dedicated to the right one is, one knows nothing. One doesn't even know whether one will be alive in the next moment, because death can strike us down instantly, anywhere. We aren't prepared for that; so we dismiss it. Yet this inner preparation, this constant coming up against the sense and feeling of one's life and the urgent need to creating intimacy and relationship to the Lord, is perhaps the most essential task we can undertake.
Without it, everything else in life most certainly goes wrong. It's the one thing we can trust — and the one thing worth seeking before all other things.