Sunday, May 26, 2013
one tenth of one percent
There isn't a perfect connection. Perhaps there isn't even much of a connection at all; and maybe I'm not quite sure what a connection is.
I've heard about all of these ideas regarding an inner, a higher, energy for many years, and yet perhaps I doubt that I am close enough to it; perhaps I haven't had an intimate experience of it that convinces me completely, or perhaps I think I don't have enough intimate experiences. Or they're not reliable. In any of these cases, I feel bereft and uncertain. I doubt, perhaps. I feel distant from what my inner work is, or what i think it ought to be.
Yet it's possible to know quite exactly what my work inside of Being is, and it is possible to be in precise relationship. Relationship is always there; it never goes away. I simply remain unaware of it, because my sensitivity is blunted. The divine essence that animates life, and Being, is always active within this experience of life. If even 1/10th of 1% of it is there, all of it is there, because truth cannot be divided.
Once one has 1/10 of 1% of the truth, the whole truth is equally available.
The question is how to make truth active within Being. How to understand at all times that there is this organic, intimate truth of vibration that animates Being. First and foremost, this must be trusted. The inner skeptics must be invited to take themselves somewhere else. My intimacy must be affirmed. The truth of Grace must be understood as inescapable, and this must be affirmed with all of Being.
Why turn one's face in the wrong direction? Do I want to see bad things, things that create evil or are destructive? I always have the choice within this moment to turn towards the good within me first; and to say yes, there is good within me. There may be much bad that arises in me, and I have to accommodate this fact; yet this does not mean that I should dwell on it, believe that it is supreme, powerful, or that I cannot be in the face of what is not. There has to be a constant inner effort to honor the Grace that is already given, and stand up within my work.
I can Be.
This cannot just be a thought; it must become organic. It must penetrate to the very marrow of the bones. Only through a constant effort and an affirmation can this take place. Just saying "I wish to be" is nothing. The words are not the point. The wish to be is a feeling quality, a comprehensively sensate action, that arises within the organism, and if even 1/10th of 1% of this is present, all of it is present.
Inner work is meant to grow a root into the depths of Being that alway stays connected to the tree. If the work is nourished, the root is strong; and if the root is strong, the tree can grow leaves and will bear fruit. These are lawful things, not matters of opinion or subjective judgments. We can know our work by the leaves on our trees and the fruits of our labors. But we cannot live in doubt or fear if we wish to know such things.
It is sometimes said that words can never truly transmit knowing or knowledge; and there is some truth in this. But there is a knowing of the soul that consists of words without words; and this is the knowing that we are called to in an effort to come into relationship with the Mercy that is offered.
May your soul be filled with light.