Friday, March 15, 2013

In the direction of feeling

 A few notes to myself about impressions I have been pondering over the last week or so, while realigning my inner life following my return to the US.

There is only one real work.

 It moves in the direction of feeling; a deepening of sensitivity to life, a movement towards an inner quality of humility and caring. This work cannot intend harm; it is never attached to the ego, but progressively frees itself from it and exists as an independent entity devoted to God.

There is no harshness in this work. It does not criticize; it does not find fault. It looks inward towards itself, attempting to sense itself more wholly, and seeks only to support others in their own efforts; never to impose, never to instruct, never to rule over.

This work of a feeling quality is not always tangible. Many who receive an energy, who are touched by Grace, mistakenly mix it with the egoistic results of their own lives and think that what grows in them is in the right direction; this is a great danger. One knows a right relationship to Grace by its results; and if feeling is active, one knows at once when results are shameful. One must just look this right in the eye and be honest about it; because one of our habitual characteristics is to take what is Graceful and make it shameful. Sometimes it is quite easy to see this in others; other times, seeing is equally confused, attached to the results of my ego and not devoted to a higher quality of energy. Above all, I must see what is shameful in myself, and be quite clear about it. There is a great deal of this, and I avoid looking at it, even though it arises constantly and needs to be seen over and over.

One thinks that one works; but one never works. What works, works within one, and always comes from another level that does not belong to he or she who thinks they work. One can only gain instruction through Grace; one can only be inwardly formed through Grace. A devotion to or belief in one's own efforts is delusional, a powerful vortex around which one may circulate for a lifetime. The effort of sensing one's mortality is needed to go against this, because only that sense can correct this delusion.

One ought to be cautious not to mix one's feelings or attitudes with those who want power over others, or the world. This is a disease that seizes all of mankind from time to time, and every one of us is infected. Only a constant turning towards the inner qualities formed by a connection to God and to Grace can protect us from such a thing. And we do need protection from a higher level, because we are unable to protect ourselves. What we are is inherently open to these bad influences; and only protection from this higher level can insulate us from its effects.

One speaks a great deal about working in this way or that way, but it is impossible to work unless one is already under the influence of a higher energy. If one doesn't work inwardly, with intimacy and sensitivity, to constantly see one's inner state and submit to this influence of a higher energy, nothing else can take place. Without the energy, existence is existence in a desert.

The inward flow of energy changes the feeling attitude within. Without a change in the feeling attitude within, one cannot receive one's life. And if one does not receive one's life, nothing grows within the inner self which needs to be nurtured and to gain strength in its relationship with the higher.

There can be bad results; and many of the bad results relate to working. Identification takes place everywhere, and it constantly misinforms qualities that ought to be connected to something higher. Many things can go wrong; and they always go wrong exactly where one begins to believe in oneself, and not in the essential truth and goodness of a higher energy.

May your soul be filled with light.

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