Saturday, March 23, 2013

A conjunction of languages

I have three languages in me. Each one belongs to a different mind. One language is the language of words; and my tendency is to try and analyze life and everything that happens to me through this language.

The other two languages don't consist of words, so although they speak to me constantly, I forget to understand them as languages, and I'm often unable to integrate them.

These other two languages are the language of emotions, of feelings, and sensation, which is the language of the body. All three languages are active in me.

The place where these three languages meet is in Being. If I locate myself at the sensate, that is to say conscious, point of Being where these three languages meet, a different sense of Self arises. So when I say I am seeking to become more conscious of myself, seeking a sense of the whole of myself, what I'm saying is that I'm searching for this point of the conjunction of languages.

It's sometimes said that one needs to connect with sensation in order to develop a sense of Being; yet the experience of my three inner languages is in its entirety a form of sensation. Sensation, in other words-conscious sensation- isn't just a function of the body alone. The experience of impressions of the mind, the body, and the feelings are all forms of sensation in the sense of sensory impressions, of impressions that are received. Thus we can say that I have a sensation of the mind; or a sensation of the body; or a sensation of the emotions. It's all three of these sensations together that create Being. And they need to be experienced in conjunction with one another- not in opposition to one another- in order to come to a greater sense of my whole. I say each one is a language, because each one speaks to me. In order to understand what it means to listen I need to understand this question of centers and langauges, and understand that listening is an inner action whose center of gravity isn't hearing, not, at least, taken in its literal sense.

 To listen has another level of meaning.

One of my chief difficulties- and I see this problem over and over again not just in myself, but in everyone else who engages in inner work- is the tendency to over-analyze what my inner work consists of. We just over-think things, that's all there is to it.  When Madame de Salzmann urged us, of our work, "Do not talk about it to them, but only be it," she could just as easily have been admonishing us about how to conduct our inner work within ourselves, as to how to conduct it with others. There is far too much of both inner and outer talking about work, and working. 

As John Rothenberg remarked to me a year before he died, there is a point where an esoteric work eventually becomes much more inner. At this point one talks less, and instead engages. Even, perhaps especially, my inner talking must be brought to heel. One learns to talk when it is meaningful; and to talk a little less, when one does talk. One ought to keep a precise eye on one's self when speaking.

 But above all, in regard to this question of talking, one has to stop analyzing everything. An inner work begins to metamorphose into new territory when one steps over that threshold. We aren't going to figure it out; and sensing one's lack may begin somewhere in the neighborhood of that realization.

May your soul be filled with light.

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