Tuesday, January 1, 2013

A sacred energy

I flatter myself all the time that I somehow know what is going on.

99% of this emanates from ego, which presumes an authority it does not have.

The fact is that I live in the midst of mystery. None of us know what will happen next, and we stand forever, if we admit it to ourselves, on the cusp of uncertainty. It’s this place of balance between inner and outer life where our sensitivity ought to be directed; and it is in this intersection between the known and unknown that Being arises. The known is the past; and my personality, what I know of myself, resides here. The unknown is the future; and it is also the place of my essence, which touches not just what has already happened in me and outside of me, but rather what is happening, and what may happen next. Unlike personality, it has the capacity to appreciate the unknown, not just from a theoretical perspective, but in terms of actual practice.

 Within me, an energy arises. I can’t say I know the energy, although it is familiar and even intimate; for it belongs to a level of life I don’t have a clear relationship with in my day-to-day state. It is the energy of the true Self, perhaps; that is what is said, yet I have to explore this for myself, because I don’t, from here where I am, know what the true Self is. Only by inhabiting this energy, by admitting a full and subservient relationship to it, can I begin to explore what it might mean.

This means I have to avoid resisting it, and avoid trying to categorize and classify. Everything I bring of myself to it must begin with respect. The energy can bring a sense of gravity; and it imparts a poise, a finely tuned and balanced attitude that does not rely on outward influences. I am able to reside within this state, which presents everything as a question, but does not demand an explanation. It simply sees. 

Life flows inwards here; and there is nothing more than life itself present, no embellishments. I usually don’t see this, but everything I think I am is an embellishment; an embroidery that adds many unnecessary things to what is already rich enough, and under-appreciated.

Generally speaking, I’m attracted by my own illusions, rather than what is real. This is my usual condition. But when life flows inward, only the depths to which it reaches matters; a new and purposeful Being arises, one interested in what is natural, rather than the artificial. It sees that the natural resides not in whether or not something is man-made, in a physical sense, or not- it resides in an unfettered perception, as opposed to my presumptive attitudes.

 May your soul be filled with light.

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