Wednesday, June 23, 2010


The last post discussed this idea that I want to be a "chief." Essentially, that there is this ambition in me--in all of us-- this desire to be significant.
One thing I realized many years ago is that we are already significant. We start out significant... in fact, there is no way to remove our significance from us, ever, at any time. It would be easier to take a mountain and make it disappear than to undo our significance.
Yet all of us remain utterly convinced, in some, small, actually quite paranoid part of ourselves (which we label in many "special" ways, in order to justify it) that we are not significant--or that what little significance we have is threatened. (And part of this, of course, is our relentless attachment to the mistaken idea that our outer circumstances create our significance.)
So there is this desire, this desire to be meaningful. This desire to BE. And there is an odd paradox at the heart of this question in the Gurdjieff Work, because our mantra is "I wish to Be..."
And yet, we ARE. Aren't we?
It isn't that we are not; it is that we do not see how we are. If even once we were to see with the eyes that can truly see, what we would see is that we already are. This perception, this fear, that we are not is illusory... a myth we have signed on to.
It represents a lack of trust.
All of the ambition and wish for achievement that a man encounters in his life is, as Krishnamuri notes, a form of violence. It presumes a need that is not actually there--it's rather an artifice, created by our limitation--and perpetuates a violation of the already sacred, and fundamentally sufficient, essence that preceeds our desires.
To become free of desire, as the Buddhists would have it, would be to see and experience our sufficiency. To abide within the inherent abundance which surrounds us; an abundance which we are, in our ordinary state, unable to sense or acknowledge.
The difficulty I face is that even if I have a fundamental, life changing experience of this "inherent sufficiency," it is not enough. The parts in me that deny this, and lack a connection to it, are powerful, habitual, and convincing. The psychology that drives life as I currently know it is furthermore dedicated to the exclusion, even extermination, of such experience.
To know that I am sufficient with one center-- for example, the mind-- is simply not enough. All three centers need to understand this sensation simultaneously in order for anything approaching mental health to enter, and in order for that to happen, a quietness must arrive. A relaxation that is given--not demanded--must enter me. In other words, a force from another level must enter.
All I can do is prepare for this, to attempt to make myself available to it. It is not within my abilities to "achieve" this.
Krishnamurti says the following in his notebook (Gstaad):
" Why should all this happen to us? No explanation is good enough, though one can invent a dozen. But certain things are fairly clear.

1. One must be wholly "indifferent" to it coming and going.
2. There must be no desire to continue the experience or to store it away in memory.
3. There must be a certain physical sensitivity, a certain indifference to comfort.
4. There must be self-critical humourous approach.

But even if one had all these, by chance, not through deliberate cultivation and humility, even then, they are not enough. Something totally different is necessary or nothing is necessary. It must come and you can never go after it, do what you will. You can also add love to the list but it is beyond love. One thing is certain, the brain can never comprehend it nor can it contain it. Blessed is he to whom it is given. And you can add also a still, quiet brain."
May the living Light of Christ discover us.

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