Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Just studying today
I sit here, rather quietly. I am, however, speaking in order to create this post; using the usual voice dictation software.
As I sit here, uncertain of exactly what I will say today -- this is not a day where a specific question has presented itself, and some of the subjects I am preparing to work on are not yet ready for writing up-- I am just studying the energy in the body.
Recently I am acutely aware of how disconnected all of my parts are in the morning when I wake up. Because the parts are not connected and not exchanging well, there is a slowness to me then. It frequently takes a half hour to an hour to get things moving. I see that there is a process, upon arising from sleep, in which the body slowly starts up each of the various parts that work together and gets them running at speeds that make sense relative to each other.
When I am sitting first thing in the morning, I make every effort possible to bring the parts into relationship so that they can be reminded of each other. This requires a great deal of discrimination, scrutiny, and a repeated return to the effort, because, as with all efforts, there is a perpetual tendency to drift off course.
I accept this.
This morning, that effort was not so successful. There were a few moments where I really got into touch with one or another part, but in general, some of the efforts I made and aims that I had did not seem to bear much fruit.
I accept this too.
Despite the obvious resistance, I made the effort, presuming that it is worthy. As with most of my efforts, I tried not to judge it too harshly, but to just see it like this: "I am here, making these efforts."
It is possible to remind myself within the midst of each moment; efforts don't have to be good or bad; they just have to be efforts. The moment that I label them with values they lose value.
So now, I sit here in the middle of the day with, so to speak, the "results" of the efforts I have made this morning. Some parts are more open; other parts are more receptive. All in all, it appears as though the parts of myself which I am not usually aware of have been helped, and they are now reciprocating by doing work to support me in ways I did not anticipate or demand.
One of the consequences of this was a moment in a business meeting this morning when something became very open in the lower part of my body. At that particular moment, it explained everything. Of course, it does not explain everything now, because it was appropriate to that particular moment. For then, it was what was required, and it was quite perfect. Of course, something else is required now. What that might be is a question, and I may not be available to it in a way that I was then.
Everything is a moving target.
One thing that was clearly explained in the experience during the business meeting this morning is that I use too much force to do things. I often see this around me in everyone; it is more difficult to see it in myself.
I think that we are all trapped in situations where we use too much force. We have the opportunity to inhabit our lives and sit here within the present condition and just experience ourselves. That would be quite enough to manage our lives well; to contain ourselves, to sit within repose, to experience the materiality and the substance of our being and our life.
We do not, however, contain an inwardness of quality with enough gravity in it to encourage that. If we work in the direction of sensation, we may begin to encounter gravity; we may not. If we do encounter this inner gravity I speak of, it can help us to be more firmly planted in the soil of the present moment.
There is no other reason to be this way other than that we can be this way. There is no other reason to do this other than that we can do this. So in this way, openness and gravity make everything quite simple, and become sufficient unto themselves.
There is more than enough food in this to satisfy our wish for more life.
May your roots find water, and your leaves know sun.